"Wise men speak because they have something to say, fools speak because they have to say something."~someone

"Things are only stupid in hindsight."~me

"We're nine sympathetic, apathetic, diabetic, old men on roller skates, with a propensity towards procrastination!"~the staff of Camp Gerber

"DON'T PANIC"~the cover of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

"What means more to you? Respect, or rainbow socks with individual toes?"~Nick Rhore

"Choose a job you love, and you will never work a day in your life."~Confucius

"War is hell!"~Civil War General

"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."~Benjerman Franklin

"Invention is 1% inspiration 99% persperation."~Thomas Alva Edison

"I think the surest sign that inteligent life exists in the universe is none of it has tried to contact us."~Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes comic, by Bill Watterson

"Nothing of importance happened today."~King George III, July 4, 1776

"The bigger they come...
optomistic: -the harder they fall.
pesimistic: -the more bones they break.
realistic: -the faster I run in the oposite direction."~me

"Always remember, as you walk down that road of life, hitchhike, it's faster!"~Matt Curtis

"Which side of the plate does the spork go on?"~someone

"I feel better than an oily wanderdark!"~Bigjoe, AGN forrums

"What is an oily wanderdark?"~My brother, Justin

"I get the igglers and wooglers just thinking about it."~Bigjoe, AGN forrums

"Grrrr stop it!!!!"~My brother, Justin

"On his deathbed no one wishes he'd spent more time at the office."~someone

"I think 600k is all anyone will ever need."~Bill Gates, sometime in the '80s

"You're not thinking fourth dimensionaly..."~Dr. Emmet Brown, Back to the Future 3

"Human beings have problems thinking spatialy.(3 dimensionaly)"~me

"Does respect keep you feet warm?"~Nick Rhore

"Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?"~someone

"It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago."~former vice president, Dan Quayle

"My fellow astronauts..."~former vice president, Dan Quayle

"WARNING: The following text maybe be inapropriate for people of any age. If you read through this message and are offended. I take no responsibility. This warning serves as that purpose. If you think this warning is inconviniently located. You are a moron. You probably ate paint chips as a child. I'm guessing your mother did crack while pregnant with you. There is a great chance your mother dropped you on your head. Seek help People of your stupidity should not be walking the streets unsupervised. I repeat. This is a warning the message of this post may be offencive. Read at own risk! Reader assumes all liability to damages caused/inflicted by this post."~SUCCESOR, agn forrums

"Money is the root of all evil."~someone

"We're 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglases."~The Blues Brothers

"Say this, 3 times fast: Nuclear-powered battery-operated remote-controlled glow-in-the-dark radioactive microscopic singing hamsters."~queenxazeria, agn forrums

"His cereal told him to go sit on the roof."~Muppets From Space

"All I ever needed to know in life I learned from torturing insects."~Anonymous

"Our cartoon is for the small guys! The big guys! The weird, medium guys with bad haircuts!."~Buster Bunny

"Today ran me over and backed up."~Sfon, AGN forrums. But it fits me just fine.

"If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick."~Mark Twain

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."~Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I heard that a virus slows down a computer, causes it to act funny, and makes the ability to use a computer a hassle. If so, does this mean Microsoft Windows is a virus?"~someone who had the misfortune of getting Mircrosoft Windows

"...Buzz Lukens took that fateful step..."~former Vice President Dan Quayle confusing the sexual assaulter/Congressman with Astronaut Buzz Aldrin.

"If life hands you lemons, wing 'em back and some more of your own!"~Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes, by Bill Waterson

"If you believe in yourself, and drink your school, stay in drugs, and don't do milk, you can get work!"~Mr. T

"If you don't hit the showers you're hygien will go to waste you'll lose all your friends and scare small mammals"~Nick Rhore

"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."~Carl Sagan

"No one's perfect"~these "them" people we're always hearing about

"'Do not push that button.''You mean this one?''Yes that one!!''( fill in gleeful stament)'(The whatever it is explodes)."~Many Things

"The people of today are inevitably screwed by the indiscretions of the people of yesterday"~Daarkseid, agn forrums

"What stinks about the U.S. is our people. They're morons. They're uncultured, or at least cultured in Pop Culture. They're religious, but the moment something about their religion is inconvenient or offensive, they bend their beliefs. They're so caught up on success and the 'high' ideals that they don't care if they sacrifice their individuality and self perogative. They give up responsibility in favor of convenience and pleasure. And our hyper-commercialized economy only feeds this stupidity by making products that appeal to the lowest common denominator, so as to maximize profits. America isn't crap. Its people and culture are crap."~Daarkseid, agn forrums

"Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them."~JJmax, agn forrums

"What if the hokey pokey is really what its all about?"~Madwyzard, agn forrums

""If you believe in yourself... eat all your school, stay in milk, drink your teeth, don't do sleep, and get 8 hours of drugs, you can get work... and brush your dog food!"~Mr. T

"Why me?!?!?!"~everyone at one point or another

"When I heard his (baby busch) campaign speach I thought it started out OK, 'I'll improve education' etc., but then 'I'll get a tax cut', 'I'll pay off the deficet'... how is he supposed to pay off people while decreasing his income? Who is this guy? David Copperfield?!?!?!"~My dad, obviously not a busch supporter (neither am I)

"Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists." -- Vice President Dan Quayle

"Speaking as a man, it's not a woman's issue. Us men are tired of losing our women." -- Vice President Dan Quayle talking about breast cancer

"I did not make 1,000 mistakes, the lightbulb was an invention with 1,001 steps."~Thomas Edison

"If Ross Perot runs, that's good for us. If he doesn't run, it's good for us."[A reporter then asked him what he meant by that] "That's for you to figure out."~former vice president, Dan Qual

"Big Corporations lead to corrupt politicians. Corrupt politicians lead to poor public schools and ignorant masses. Ignorance perpetuates religion. Religion abuses the truth and instills a false sense of security and human superiority. Human superiority complexes lead to non-human animal destruction and human overpopulation. Human overpopulation results in the death of Earth and all living things, human and non-human. Use your minds; save the world."~tzepish, AGN forrums.

"That makes sense, yes? If the page is normally 50K, somehow knock it down to 20K and things will speed up. In the time it took the server to serve one customer a 50K page, theoretically now two and a half users could be served.
I know a few half users...they're weird people."~Joe Burns, Webmaster of HTML Goodies.

"The only difference between genius and stupidity is genius has its limits."~Someone.

"News Broadcast: Hundreds of organizations are claiming responsibility for the bombing of the Al Bundy scoreboard, including the National Organization of Women, the National Organization of Fat Women, and the government of France..."~Married With Children

"I'm not gonna fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt."~George W. Bush

"So you mean to say, they've taken what we thought we think and made us think our thoughts we've been thinking are thoughts we think we thought? ....I think?"~Patrick, Spongebob Squarepants

One military officer to another: "Our anti-anti-missile missile just shot itself down, sir!!"~Dart_Zader, AGN Forrums

"...somewhere, somehow, they all got chewed up and spit back out. They don't taste like living anymore. Don't you see what it's like in this deranged whirring blender of a world? Every day is an agonizing ordeal, like balancing a pot of scolding water on your head while people whip your legs and butt. Aah.. you'll never forget your senior prom.... Ya think I'm sick? Well the only disease I've got is modern life. A shnuckbusting gauntlet of inefficiency and misery thats one long parade of let downs, put downs, trickle-downs, shut-outs, freeze outs, sell outs, numb nuts, nincompoops, and nimrods! All making every day as much fun as waxing a flaming pontiac with your tongue. Or even if you do luck into the possibility of some fleeting pleasure, like say if some nymphomaniac telephone operators with the muscle control of romanian mat slappers agree to a little strip air hockey, it'll be over before it starts, cause some vowel lacking, fetta reeking cab jockey slams his checker up your hatchback and the cab is owned by some pinata spanker from a santaria cult in woncompa who starts shaking chicken bones at ya and gives you a boil on your neck so big all it needs is michael jordans autograph to make it complete! And even with all this, WITH ALL THIS, I still drag my sorry butt off the ceiling every morning and stick my face in the reaping machine for one more day, knowing when it's time to flash the cosmic car key at those pearly gates, I won't be in a coffin anyway, cause some underhanded undertaker sold my heart, pancreas and other assorted good and plenty to that same santaria cult! SO DOES ANYBODY REALLY WONDER WHY ANYBODY IS HANGING ON TO SANITY BY THE ATOMS ON THE TIPS OF THEIR FINGERNAILS, WHILE LIFE DIRTY DANCES ON THEIR DIGITS? AND IS IT REALLY ANY WONDER, THAT I SEEM DERANGED!?"~Eckels, AGN forrums

"It bothers me when I open up my true desires and wishes for existence to believers, and they tell me to watch out because I am saying the same exact things that Lucifer once said. I've realized that I naturally, and not by any kind of choice, agree with everything that this Satan character believes and has done. Some people might say that makes me a Satanist, but I don't consider myself so, because I don't even believe in Satan. I'm just referring to the character. It is strange that I would find myself agreeing with the one entity which I was raised to find as my enemy. If God and Satan are real, then I have realized that all suffering comes from God (according to the Bible, God is the one who created the physical and mental suffering you feel, God created Hell, God created the ability to murder, God created blood, God created viruses, God created sex in a way that it could be abused, and God created evil.) All that is evil comes from God, and I think that Satan realized this and wanted to rebel against God before He could impose his ways on other living souls, and apparantly 1/3 of creation agreed with him. I'm willing to bet that the other 1/3 were too scared to oppose God, or remained neutral. Then by God's "might which makes right," Satan was doomed to Hell along with anyone who followed him. Satan has never inflicted any harm on anyone. It is always God who inflicts harm on people. God put the curses on the Egyptians, God turned Lot's wife to salt, God let Israel's neighbors plunder it, and God's earth kills people via famine, pestilance, earthquakes, hurricanes, and flooding."~Glen, AGN forrums

"If there is a God, then he is either insane or evil."~Mark Twain

"I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I've somehow been infected by it. I think it's those dwarves over there. Repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here, I must get free. In this ring is the key. My key. Once Sauron is gone, there's no need for me to be here. Do you understand? I need the ring. I have to get it."~The Savior, AGN forrums.

"Change is inevitable. (Except from vending machines.)"~Scatch, AGN Forums

"Life is pain, highness, anyone who says otherwise is selling something."~Wesley/The Dread Pirate Roberts, The Princess Bride

"I woke up this morning, and I read my local newspaper, I was very upset, and unhappy."~President George W. Busch

"While sheep are stupid and need to be guided, goats are inteligent, and need to be led"~Small Gods by Terry Pratchett

"Religion is mass brain washing, at it's best."~LORD APOCALYPSE, AGN forrums

"All people are entitled to an opinion. They are not entitled to an audience."~Symbiote, AGN forums.

"OK, x*0 = 0, so 0/0 = x? because 0/0 = 0, so x = 0. Congratulations, you've just disproved numbers"~Satanman, AGN forums

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure"~President George W. Bush

"You can be smart, or you can be pleasant."~Mr. Dowd, Harvey

"...when we come back they ain't nothin' but ordinary human beings, and we all know what stinkers they are."~The Cab Driver, Harvey

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"~Epicurus

"Never do anything phenomenally stupid."~Oxymandia's Axiom

"Sarcasm is highly ineffective against stupid people."~Millicent M. Mudd's note to self

"The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices - to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own - for the children, and the children yet unborn. And the pity of it is that these things cannot be confined to the Twilight Zone."~Rod Serling

"infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than, in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real 'wow, that's big' time. Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by collosal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here."~The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"The Universe: some information to help you live in it.
1. Area: Infinite
2. Imports: None. It is impossible to import things into an infinite area, there being no outside to import things from.
3. Exports: None. See Imports.
4. Population: None. it is known there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefor there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is so near zero as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe is zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you happen to meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.
5. Monetary Units: None. In fact there are three freely convertable currencies in the Galaxy, but none of them count. The Altarian Dollar has recently collapsed, the Flanian Pobble Bead is only exchangeable for other Flanian Pobble Beads, and the Triganic Pu has itw own special problems. Its exchange rate of eight Ningis to one Pu is simple enough, but since a Ningi is a triangular rubber coin six-thousand-eight-hundred miles along each side no one has ever collected enough to own one Pu. Ningis are not negotiable currency because Galactibanks refuse to deal in fiddling small change. From this basic premis it is very simple to prove that Galactibanks are also the product of a deranged imagination.
6. Art: None The function of art is to hold up a mirror to nature, and there simply isn't a mirror big enough, see point one.
7. Sex: None Actually there is quite an awful lot of this, largely because of the total lack of money, trade, art or anything else that might keep the nonexistant people of the Universe occupied. However, it is not worth embarking on a long discussion of it now because it really is terribly complicated" ~ The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

"There is a theory which states if anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and by replaced by something even more bizare and inexplicable. There is another which states that this has already happened." ~ The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made alot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." ~ The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams

"Don't try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you for free with my breakfast cereal." ~ The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Douglas Adams

"A towel is about the most massively useful thing an intersteller hitchiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marbel-sanded beaches of Santragius V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off fumes or avoid the gave of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you - daft as a brush, but very very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason if a strag (strag: nonhitchiker) discovers that a hitchiker has a towel, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, washcloth, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit, etc., etc. Furthermore he will happily lend the hitchiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitchiker may have accidently have "lost." What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of teh Galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with." ~ The Hitchkers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

"If there's nothing wrong with me... maybe there's something wrong with the universe!" ~ Dr. Crusher (Remember Me)

"If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for who we really are" ~ Captain Picard (Encounter At Farpoint)

"THAT is the exploration that awaits you: not mapping stars and studying nebulae, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence." ~ Q (All Good Things)

"Why of course the people don't want war ... But after all it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship ... Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger."~ Hermann Goering, vice-Fuhr, at the Nuremberg Trials after World War II

"Question authority in all its shapes and forms. Don't suspend critical thinking for wishful thinking."~Joey Skaggs

"We must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist."~ Former President Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower

"The dead have risen from the grave... and they're voting Republican!"~ Bart Simpson

"the following poem is made from real quotes from speaches by George W. Bush:
MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.

I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
where our wings take dream.

Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!"

That's all I can think of now. Rest assured I will think of more later and when I do I will put them on.